It’s the spring of 2019.

I’m a division III collegiate student-athlete, two weeks into my off-season, and I’m really stressed out about eating and working out.

I’m not the only one.

A friend reveals to me that she’s purging and over-eating. Another begins compulsively exercising and keeping a detailed daily calorie log. General anxiety saturates conversations with my teammates.

What’s going on here?

I dug into literature on disordered eating in athletes, which was illuminating but also contradictory. I was struck by a 2009 study, which found that in a group of female college athletes, 25% exhibited subclinical disordered eating. If 1 in 4 of my teammates were engaged in problematic behaviors or distressed about food, why wasn’t there more alarm? I couldn’t recall a single educator, coach, or parent who raised awareness or attempted to address the issue. I had no idea how pressing of a problem it was until I became attuned to it in my own context.

I spent the next two years asking questions, doing research, and creating programs to lift myself and my friends up from that original place of confusion and pain. The work has led to community and healing that’s transformed our lives.

  • Held in the summer of 2020 during the height of the pandemic, ZRL was an intentional virtual space dedicated to discussing eating concerns, body image, and social media. Our work included embodiment exercises and open discussions oriented around mutual support, compassion, exploration, and healing.

  • RAW was a 4-week workshop made for and by female student-athletes. It drew inspiration from existing research and interventions, but was customized to be 100% peer-led and supportive of individual autonomy. The program was centered around a framework for compassion and resilience that counters diet culture and the thin ideal.

    Held in December 2020 by the University of Chicago Women’s Athletic Association, RAW raised awareness of the prevalence of disordered eating, reduced shame + secrecy about body/food distress, and built community through open conversation.

  • Three decades of research into disordered eating in sports have revealed contradictory results, with athletes considered both at risk but also protected from eating problems. To contribute insight into the complexities of existing literature, I studied how female college swimmers in the US experience food and their bodies. Drawing on 16 in-depth interviews, the study finds that athletes experience contradictory ideals and often cope through heightened discipline towards controlling the body. The women in this study reproduce anxieties through discipline but also reveal creative ways of coping that go beyond vigilance.

    Read the full paper here.